Our nuptial day is intended to be one of our most joyous, and carefully organized to mirror our tastes. Nonetheless, Norma perceived her daughter-in-law's choice of an exclusively vegan menu as inconsiderate, given Norma's family's fondness for meat. She intervened and secretly arranged for meat at the wedding without the bride's consent. This has led to major conflicts, prompting Norma to ask us for guidance.
Norma’s letter:
I have my doubts this is a real scenario. Seems made up BS for validation.
If it is real, yes. You were wrong. Any normal person knows this, which is why I think this is pure bull$hit.
Hello Norma! Thank you for your letter. We have prepared a few tips we believe can help you navigate this situation.
Pursue empathy and find common ground.
Plus why are so many people offended by vegetables?? My husband is a mostly meat eater, but every now and then, he wants a veggie burger.. That perspective is so wild..
Start a gentle and understanding dialogue with your daughter-in-law. Recognize her views on veganism and apologize for the confusion and trouble caused by adding meat to the menu. Suggest a compromise for future family events, offering both vegan and non-vegan dishes, so everyone feels valued and included.
Say sorry and make things right.
Why should Norma ever apologise at all? She did the right thing - arranging non-vegan menu for the non-vegan people. The future bride has absolutely no right to impose her own taste on all invitees, and decide on the menu for all. She should have requested the invitees beforehand if the invitees would accept a fully vegan diet, before deciding the items singlehandedly. That's dictatorial.
If I am told that there would be no option beyond vegan meal, I would have decided not to attend the event, or at least not to eat anything, present my gift, express my good wishes for the married couple, and leave. The same would apply if I were a vegan, and was given no option for vegan items in the menu.
Even though you were initially resistant, consider offering a heartfelt apology to your daughter-in-law for going against her wishes. Show remorse for not respecting her choice and for causing distress on such an important day. Propose making amends by hosting a family dinner or event where she can plan the menu according to her preferences, demonstrating your willingness to support her decisions and reconcile the relationship.
Family mediation and conflict resolution.
Should the disputes continue, propose seeking the help of a neutral facilitator, such as a family counselor or mediator, to aid in steering a meaningful conversation between yourself, your son, and your daughter-in-law. This could offer an organized framework to tackle fundamental issues, clarify any miscommunications, and strive toward restoring trust and harmony within the family.
Establish boundaries and honor differences.
"Establish boundaries and honor differences." - Don't you think the bride must learn this, while choosing the menu for everyone, without Prior Informed Consent of all guests and members of the family?
Set explicit boundaries for upcoming family events concerning dietary preferences and other delicate topics. Promote transparent dialogue and mutual respect among family members to avoid future disputes. Highlight the need to respect personal choices while creating a welcoming and inclusive atmosphere for all participants in family gatherings.
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